Pedestal

I do not know how you view me
as a warrior,
for I am nothing but my own enemy.

you call me strong,
strong enough to defeat my foes.
you tell me to stand tall,
when I measure only 5’1, head to toes.

I am determined to live up the image
you see me to be.
so I’m climbing to the pedestal
of what you view of me.

clean

is this what being strong means?
if I manage keep the thoughts out
during the day,
they come rushing out at night,
bearing the gift of tears.

they say that it gets easier from here.
I’m not sure I believe them.
with over a year of clean wrists,
you’d think I’d have a better hold
on this situation.
behind a mask of composure,
my insides are trying to leak from my
scars,  trying to push out from my skin,
trying to escape.
and I want to aid them.

a Godly lust

her voice rang through my memory like
church bells, and for once, I wanted
to be religious. I wanted her to be
my savior- to pardon my sins.

I wanted her to see me like the way
she said God saw her. I only wish she
knew that I viewed her as her own
virgin Mary. I didnt care about her past.
I didnt care about her sins.

I only wish she knew that I
loved her- and my love isnt anything
God could achieve.

I Believe In You

I want to tell you that
the road to happiness wasn’t
paved with gold.
It isn’t a cracked, but
okay for the most part, street.

The path to happiness is a long,
uphill stretch of blood and bones
and set backs.
You will reach a part in your recovery
where there is no way to jump
over this trench layed out infront of you.

I will tell you that if you fall,
even multiple times,
you’ll learn the ropes,
and this get easier.

but as long as you try,
I gaurentee you’ll beat this.

fresh eyes

sometimes I wish
I could meet everyone again.
when you’ve known someone for so long,
you forget how they looked when
you were strangers.

I want to meet you for the first time-
so I could fall in love with you,
all over again.

Astronomer

I saw galaxies in your eyes-
and I studied those
night skies
until
my telescope broke.

instead of looking to the sky
for my answers,
I looked into your eyes
for my hope.

I went through my days with anticipation
I dreamt of those galaxies and nebulas
until I got to see more of those
constellations.

but the lights on your eyes have left
I don’t know where they could’ve gone.
your galaxy is dying,
and what a toll it had taken
for your eyes will soon be shut for good…

I’m making a YouTube channel!!!

so I’ve decided that soon, (as soon as I can find my floor and desk under my stuff) I will be making a YouTube channel of myself reading my poems the way I intended them to sound. reading a poem is beautiful but hearing it be said in the writer’s with his or her tone is really something else. I’ll keep you guys posted!